For me, if I don’t have an overarching goal, ambition, or thing that seems impossible to work towards; I go a little crazy. My mind is active and it’s like it creates internal problems that I have to solve but probably can’t because they’re ill-defined and not as pressing or relevant as they seem. Most would call this sort of experience anxiety, and I tend to agree. These go away when I have something huge to work on. My books, an ambitious art project, pouring my everything into my classes. I need to outrun myself.

I think the need to be improving, the need to not waste time is important. But it’s hurt every relationship I’ve tried to have or cultivate. Friends are easy to fit in but close friends and my ex’s all end up realizing I can’t relax. I can’t do leisure. I can’t make time for them when I’ve already scheduled out my day with thirty hours worth of hard work. And if I did there’s no guarantee they’ll like what they see. Anxious.

I’m overbooked, all the time…but I like that. It’s the only way I sleep. I need it, otherwise my mind goes back to torturing me and convincing me all these little problems and all the stuff from my past still matters when it doesn’t. It’s all or nothing with people, and it’s not right to make anyone my project, so they stay at arms length and I hope they don’t mind that I need to plow ahead with my passions. Regret never helped a soul and I’ve already learned from those mistakes. I don’t have a time machine, so I need to keep my eye on ‘what’s next’. Perpetually.

Okay, breaks over. Back to studying!




My go-to Art Music

I’m an album kinda person. I don’t really do singles, I find albums I love and spam them for weeks. My album choice usually revolves around the kind of scene or thing I’m trying to portray (drawing/writing whatever, works the same). My top three albums this month for writing (seeing more than 30 hours of play time each) are:

3. Daughter: Not to Disappear

Extremely consistent concept album. Amazing lyrics and super chill. Great for studying too.

2. Turnover: Peripheral Vision

In the same vein is daughter with a more melodic edge. Old school production lends it a more unique flavor than this groups prior albums. Instrumentally very strong, vocals often intended to complement instrumentals rather than be the center focus. Lyrics stand out on four tracks but are meh on the rest.


1. Movements: Feel Something

Little bit closer to rock than the other two. Minimalistic but clean production. Excellent vocals and lyricism. Drums aren’t always the best, sometimes drift away from the implied vibe, but it’s not always out of place. The vocals do this too and it’s part of the style. Heavy contrast in the songs themselves (nothing like the harder metals).


Honorable mention:  Have Mercy: The Earth Pushed Back


Honestly this would be at the top of the list if I’d done this last month, but it’s on a most played basis. Beautiful album.


My room is kinda like my creative space. It usually matches how I’m feeling. So it’s been super organized and neat this semester since I’ve been in such a great head space. The colors of the room change with the LED light strip behind the over-sized monitor. The tapestry covers my window, which both looks cool and keeps the light levels pretty low (This was taken at 4:30 PM).

I replaced the obnoxiously bright fluorescent with some mercury vapor black-lights. I have a thing against really bright light when it isn’t from the sun. Either way, setting the LED strips to white light creates ideal lighting for drawing. It dims the white of the paper a little so I can visualize what it’ll look like when I add the real highlights. You also get a really accurate perception of the tonal balance with no glare.



I’d send the other wall, but the artwork and decals are a little over the top for this blog. (I’m a fan of a few hardcore bands and their art isn’t as PG-13 as mine 😉

PS: Bonus points if you can find the three Illuminati triangles and the two spots I’ve vandalized the wall. (I’m close friends with the RA so I’m sure she’ll be cool with some white-out :P)

PSS: Mom if you’re looking at these it definitely does not say fuck college. I’d never write something like that on my wall! *Looks back in forth guiltily.








Art, writing, and a Mugshot of my Doggo.

Hi! Just a casual update on what projects I’ve been tackling over the past two months. I got a little side tracked from my zodiac project over the holidays (for the right reasons). I added a few more metallic flourishes to Sagittarius: IMG_7526After that I spent a good bit of time being anxious about whether or not to paint a background and what colors to use on the figure itself. So naturally I just drew something else!

My friends b-day was in early December, so I drew the cleric-beast from Bloodbourne: IMG_7428Pics a little blurry, sorry about that! I used a reference image. Actually I basically just copied the games concept art! A cute little piece of plagiarism? It sounds nicer if you just say fan art, you decide <3. Here’s the original: 

After that I started writing more and just relaxing for the holidays. I have a heavy load this semester, so I want to do my best to enjoy vacation before jumping into the meat grinder. I’ve mostly just been doodling unplanned drawings and working on my book.

Here is a lovely portrait of my doggo, Rufus. And before you ask, yes, he is available for casting in any of your movies. He’s a stone-cold professional, and will be a diva.


Writer’s Response 9/3/17

Question: What kind of music, artists, or audio-recordings do you listen to while writing? What gets you in the right head-space? Is it different for different types of write/genre’s? Does music distract you, do you prefer silence?

Most of my recent writing has been narrative-focused. So a mix-bag of descriptive poetry, short-stories, and my novella. A lot of times I’ll switch up the tone of feel of the music based on the emotions I need to convey. For instance, for action oriented sequences, I’ve found my more traditional metal to be really helpful.

One album in particular has been extremely conducive to my writing over the past three weeks. “Dystopian Fiction” by The Aviators. 

One of the singles off the album can be found here:

The consistent Gothic, melancholy, conceptual, and relaxing vibe of the album has been perfect for much of my recent content, which deals with a lot of complex emotional and psychological intricacies. I find it to help my writing achieve a better balance while still flowing. Sometimes I hear things in the lyrics too, things that give me ideas, inspire me, or synergize with the concept I’m trying to convey.

For me, it’s been really important to get in the right head-space to write. I have a specific area I go to do it, I plan ahead to get the right cadence with music, and I usually avoid distractions like FaceBook or meals (the skipping meals thing isn’t always helpful, it’s more by accident).

Let me know if there are any bands, artists, or compositions you find really conducive to your work! I’d love to check it out, maybe it can help me with my work.